I thought I cut my toes off on the bathtub.

Well, God's been busy...and He's kept me busy! I won't go into the details, but when God says He is in Control, He is. He just needed me to get out of His Way.

Okay, so now is a good time to tell you the story I teased you about in this post. The one where I thought I cut my toes off on the bathtub. To refresh your memory, the post was about my impulsive nature. Again, I say serendipitous, Michael says impulsive. Tomato, tomato. Wait, tomato tamato...well, you know what I mean.

I once painted our guest bathroom red while Michael was at an Alabama-Tennessee game. A HOME game no less. (We live 20 minutes from the stadium.) THANK GOD it went into overtime...nick-of-time, I'm talking about...

I had been requested to:

1). not paint over the wallpaper in the guest bathroom, and
2). not paint the bathroom red.

So, I decided to paint the bathroom red. And, since I was in a hurry to not be apprehended mid-brushstroke, I really didn't have time to tear down the wallpaper. Okay, there are two separate infractions here. One, admittedly, was blatantly dismissive of my Head- Of -The -Household's request. The other was, really, just a matter of expediency.

Nutshell: I am a terrible painter, I am short and did not have a ladder. I was acting impulsively, I was in direct violation of my promise NOT to do what I was doing, and God got me back.

Expanded nutshell: I was almost home...the bathroom was primed, [lie. I didn't prime it. don't tell Michael], I had the first coat of red nearly finished, except for that narrow part above the shower surround. I decided just to stand on the edge of the tub and stretch to reach that area. Well, we have a fiberglass tub in there, and although I am highly intelligent and moderately good looking, I am what the old folks in the South describe as heavy-set. That said, I had no idea you could break a bathtub.

Just as I was reaching the tip-top of that area, the edge of the bathtub just popped. My foot went into the opening, and it cut my toes, just a little, but I knew I was injured. Well, at some point, I had stepped in red paint. Unbeknownst to me, that red paint was on my foot AND on the edge of the bathtub. I thought ,"I have cut my toes off, and I will lay in this bathroom and bleed to death." I did not panic, really I didn't. I just knew I had gotten what I deserved. I knew Michael would come home, I would be all pale and limp and pitiful and WRONG...and if I did survive my freak accident, he would not let me live down my near death experience at my own hand.

Luckily, I realized it was just paint, not blood. Whew! However, there was now a hole in the bathtub, and said bathtub was covered in red paint. Since I was listening to the end of the game on the radio, I knew I had precious little time to come up with a really good story that would just make Michael laugh and laugh about the whole situation.

I got nothin'. Not one good excuse. I was just going to have to bow deeply, apologize, and get a part-time job as a Greeter at Wal-Mart to pay to fix that bathtub, hire someone to re-paint the bathroom, and probably buy Season tickets to the Alabama home games as a penitence for my sin.

Let's just suffice it to say: my toes are still attached, I am happily married, and my guest bathroom is now a lovely neutral, boring tan. (but who knows, I am still serendipitous!)

i am sharing my shame at: A Silly Little Sparrow's "Toot Your Horn Tuesday's"
and Blue Cricket Design's "Show and Tell"